Sometimes..

Sometimes I laugh at myself,
For being foolish, stupid and selfish..

Sometimes I hate myself,
For not being able to decide which is what and why it's that..

Sometimes I question myself,
What the heck am I doing, possibly ruining my own life..

And sometimes I feel so tired of my life,
I feel like running away but I don't know where to..

I am grateful with what I have, it is just that sometimes...
Sometimes I wish I am not me..

keep it or leave it?

for something i have longed so long, i am struggling to adapt..

it's a totally new kind of matter, with new insight and new thinking..

it's exciting, especially when present

but i am suffering, when absent

am i the only one thinking like this?

should i keep it or leave it?

like a fool I keep losing my place...

But there's a danger in loving somebody to much,

and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.

There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.

Alone..

In solitude, I found peace. Not loneliness.

Lonely is when I am in a crowd, with no one to talk to.

But alone, with no one else is around, is purely heaven.

When I can reflect, forgive and forget..

blog tinggal~

It's been months since my last update.

i couldn't find enough time & mood to write yet although i have plenty of things to update *sigh*
no travel since my last accident during my Aussie trip and the nearest trip will only be in March next year..

i miss jalan-jalan, salt water & running.....

hmmm...

sejuk, tpi panas...
batuk..
selsema... tpi bersin smpai rse perit kt dada..
mksdnyer ape...


cold.. or flu???


mintk2 it'll wear off in 4 weeks time.
gue mau diveeeee!!!!

the other person

my fever is gone. only left a bit of sore throat and cold.


but the other person is still sick. not improving much for the past 3 days.
and bcoz the other person is sick, that person is relieved from (dreadful) work for the rest of the week.
but bcoz that person is sick, that person is kongsi-rested and cannot go anywhere.
to stay put. no going out far, no driving.


and me no like it :(

What's up?

first thing first. 
i found it very odd that majority of my frens who're still studying had their final exam schedule changed. and i don't mean the timing, but the day itself. is Malaysia's university that weird?


next.
i found less things to talk about lately. even up to the point of talking to real people. i apologize to my frens who think they are the reason for me being so. rest assured, it's never about u guys.. it's about those freaking optical shop guys who ordered my contact lens wrongly, TWICE. and after 5 weeks, i still haven't got it yet due to the changing and re-ordering. stupid shop.


then.
i got bored at work. seriously i got nothing much to do at work. my reject validation is postponed to next week (where then i'll be like a zombie trying to finish everything) since i have tonnes of things scheduled next week. gone my plan to go catch earlier bus for the long w'end break.


finally.
i missed his ym, again. i waited for 5 DAYS (!!) and felt like crying. i dunno what's wrong with maxis that i never get the text even when i'm online at my mobile. it's freaking annoying and depressing. i seriously hope he'll be ol tomorrow.. i hate this.. i hate me.....

selalu..

found this while blog-walking... slalu sgt.. true.. tapi..

-----------------------------------

Selalu aku ingat kau adalah yang terbaik
pernah hadir dalam hidupku

selalu aku ingat begitu

selalu sangat..

Selalu aku fikir kau cinta yang terhebat

pernah ada dalam hidupku

selalu aku fikir begitu

selalu sangat..

Selalu sangat aku menyangka semua itu betul

tanpa mahu meneka hidup ini penuh dusta

selalu aku mengira begitu

selalu sangat..

Selalu sangat yang ku ingat terbaik adalah yang terburuk sebenarnya

selalu sangat yang ku kufikir terhebat adalah kosong semata-mata

selalu sangat yang ku sangka benar adalah dusta belaka

selalu aku menerima semuanya tanpa prasangka

selalu sangat..

selalu sangat.....

credit to Nani Rostam

been caught in a downpour of a rain of stones,

i felt like an exile in the world i had known,

so i sought the shelter of my own soul,

and stayed inside..
-----------------------------
- appetite + fever + food poisoning  = -4kg in a week.. 
just what i need.. 

i hope..

i hope i could be strong and pick self up if i fall.. for the next coming week at least.. alone..


what worst is that i'm a wreck now and dear had to go away for work.. it may not be a big deal for u, but it is for me when it's a whole week with no mean of communication at all; and not knowing whether he's ok or not.. and i'm ok or not....


i dont know why at this time my emotions are blurring me and pulling me down..


i hope it's already monday....
i cant stop thinking where is he & what's he doing now...
:(

him..

today wasn't much of a cheerful day for me.. i was feeling under the weather, thinking of so many things i'm not supposed to think..


worst, i miss dear so badly that everything i did reminds me of him.. waiting til monday really sucks..


then, i saw him online.. maybe that's the reason why i just feel like sitting and staring at the laptop even though i was really sleepy.. 


he changed my world immediately, just by looking at his face...

tanya...

Itulah Sayang

Tanya sama hati
Apa asal sayang
Adakah tandanya nampak dipandang
Kumbang rayu bunga
Bulan dan bintangnya
Punya tanda-tanda hubungan mesra

Tanya sama hati
Pernahkah merindu
Ingat masa lena apa mimpimu
Masa berjauhan
Apa nan dikenang
Bila difahamkan itulah sayang

Jikalau tidak kerana sayang
Kuntuman kasih tak mungkin kembang
Andainya jemu mengganti rindu
Jambangan mesra tentulah layu


it's that time again when i miss u so much...

tension

ya Allah, bg lah kesabaran kt aku.. sakit ati dan tension ngan org2 ni.. ble aku men game kt fb smbil buat keje, drang gelak2 sibuk kte aku sempat lg men game. tpi hakikatnyer, keje aku jln. drang pn sibuk gak men game tpi habuk pn xde. assgmt akhirnyer aku jugak yg buat, drang tiru jek.

yg sorg lg tu
xgune kate kt aku dlu ko free jd bley try buat sdiri dlu bile xde hasil lgsg.
xgune kate kt aku ko xreti nk carik info online ble aku spend ms berejam carik, then ko mintk. ble aku bg, ko bley ckp ko xbc pn lgsg bnde tu. then ko sibuk gak nk tnyer aku pdhl jwpn smer ader dlm bnde2 aku bg kt ko tu.

xgune ader kalo xmnolong lgsg...

aku..

uddani iko.. ladde..
melokkak iko..


Sengéka rimula wénni. 
Kubali sengé tokko. 
Ri giling tinroku...

feeling sad... really really sad..         :'(

nothing else i could say...

aku ingin engkau ada di sini

menemaniku saat sepi

menemaniku saat gundah..

aku rindu setengah mati kepadamu

sungguh ku ingin kau tahu

aku xbisa hidup tanpamu..

aku rindu...

arini ujan.. since dr mlm td, yg non-stop.. with such gloomy weather, i'm feeling so myself.. seriously xde mood nk buat ape2. rse depress je..... and tmrw's weather is nothing different.....

ever the same...

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure

You tide me over

With a warmth I'll not forget

But I can only give you love
Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be

Forever with you

Forever in me

Ever the same

Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me

Forever it's you
Forever in me

Ever the same..

no matter

no matter how i think of it,
the end of my life story is
nothing but sorrow...


no matter which end it is,
always...