mau mau mau.....

saya mau burasak & asam pedas.

saya mau air apokat.

saya mau pisang ijau.

saya mau es teler.

saya juga mau soda gembira (dgn harapan bleh menggumbirakn saya)....~

mauuuu......

PPMS 2010 BBQ

hot day, sunburn..

bbq pit issue...

got mixed up with the date,

missed MyPSA AGM the same evening...

mcm kanak-kanak riang x?? (minus me who's not kanak-kanak)

vegetarian??

today is Friday.. in an hour, will be Saturday.

roughly marked my 23rd day back to Sydney. ever since i came back, i've been a vegetarian. not that i want to, but coz i had to. with owh so many things going on, i had to be very stingy on everything i spend.

apart from the rent, bills and debts; i only left with food consumption.

i've made it a rule to only eat 1 pack of pasta/macaroni ,or 1 cup of rice ,or bread and a pack of maggi per day. basically, everything is to be divided to 3 meals.. and only max of 2 bags of choc chips cookies and 2 bottles of milk per month.

rice, so far are eaten with vegetables only. despite Dear saying that is actually got for my skin, i so want to eat chicken curry now!! and the fact that he sometimes accidentally blurted out foods he's eating back home (like nasi ayam, cendol) made me soo jealous of him.

so far i'm doing ok, except that i hv this craving for cookies almost at all time. i'm not hungry, just that i want to munch smthg.. hmmm....

cute little fella

ok.. it's 2am..

after taking Dear's advise of taking a shower & Panadol tablets

before i go to bed few hours back,

i still cant sleep..

so here is a random pic comment..

---------------------------------------------------------

this cute little boy was running around the living room during the Maulidur Rasul's reception at MakDik's last month. He was quite shy but like to touch everything that looked interesting.

And yes, he didnt wore that undies when he first arrived with his parents.

U see, while everybody else was eating.. He came to almost everyone there looking at their plates.. I was sitting on the floor and eating, and Udin's plate was there (but he was gone for a call).. this boy kept circling me until...

HE ended up on my plate. yes, no mistakes there. he tripped and fell right in there.

that's how he became one sexy boy.. after that, he will look at me and says "ye.. ye..."..

nakal.. nakal...

mmm....

not feeling that well...

feels like my body is burning inside out..

feels like smthg is stuck at my throat that i wanna puke..

feels like smthg is crawling in the nerves on my head coz smtimes it ache, smtimes it's still..

is it that time?

cant remember whether i already got my annual sick-day for last yr or not...

me cats~

mcm menarik je bende ni.. de org gerak2...

if only i'm there....

mmm... xdtg pn drang kt aku...

tdo lg best ah...

few mins later...

koleq.. koleq....

almost died >> class skipping

yesterday, i had my 1st dream of almost being killed and me killing somebody. it's the weirdest ever and had me thinking for a very long time when i woke up. why.. did i dreamt such a dream??? and how am i capable of doing that, without a single bit of hesitation.....

on a side note, i skipped my 1st class/tutorial for the semester. we, (yes, 5 of us) decided to skip the 1.5hrs tut and went for dinner together. and yeah, we sort of making plans to hv this kind of dinner for the rest of the semester (read as skipping tut) LOL. but it was fun altho it's just dinner. i got to talk with Dear on the phone and then had great companies eating along.

i just dont understand why this Management class here is so boring compared to the Mgmt classes i took back in Purdue. what make it soo more boring is the fact that the class has 300+ students in it. i guess i'm too used having only 15-30 people in a classroom..

*mmm... i miss Dear.. it always becomes harder at night time. i'll miss him more & really wish to just fall asleep in his arms.. long distance sucks.

feeling...

low self-esteem

insecure, very

bottom of the wreck

teary-eyed

lost..

mood: suicidal

the question

i dont know how long i could escape from it....

i know of the solution but i dont think i'm capable of facing the consequences of doing so.

not that there is no glimpse of chance, but i just dont know how to make it possible without hurting other.

the result is pretty simple, both at the extremes.

whether i'm very happy or i might loose the meaning of living..

at this point, non-existence would be the easiest measure.. isnt it?

2nd week

it's march 7th, 2010.. tmrw is the 2nd week of class.. as of today, there are tonnes of things to be done. everything is still a mess and i'm hoping that they could clear out before the end of the week..

matter of heart, i still hope that i'm not here despite all the things he sais. the challenge seems to be tougher and i've never need him more than this ever..

just pray that everything will be fine..

no words can describe...

i wanna stay....

-----------------------

You're better then the best

I'm lucky just to linger in your light

Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right

Completely unaware

Nothing can compare to where you send me,

Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok

And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed, sing like bird

Dizzy in my head, spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone

Somehow you come along

Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that

You steal away the rain and just like that

Don't know how I lived without you

Cuz everytime that I get around you

I see the best of me inside your eyes

You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold, buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

it's monday... and i'm going back to Sydney on wednesday...

for some reason, this time i felt heavy-hearted.. i dont know why..
but it just feel wrong..
and really really sad :(