Thursday, July 05, 2018

absent minded

i am wondering why i am still here..
it’s obvious that i am unwanted and never has been the priority..
make no difference whether i am here or not.

i should really go despite the fear.


what were once i love to do seems not interesting anymore.
feels like they have become a burden to do.
feels like i have become a burden myself.

Monday, January 29, 2018


Walking aimlessly..
Groping in the dark..
Thinking maybe it's time..
To be gone unnoticed..
To cease to exist..

Thinking maybe the time,
 IS now..

Sunday, February 26, 2017


Sometimes I laugh at myself,
For being foolish, stupid and selfish..

Sometimes I hate myself,
For not being able to decide which is what and why it's that..

Sometimes I question myself,
What the heck am I doing, possibly ruining my own life..

And sometimes I feel so tired of my life,
I feel like running away but I don't know where to..

I am grateful with what I have, it is just that sometimes...
Sometimes I wish I am not me..

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Just because..

i'm too lazy to write LOL 😄


Tuesday, November 15, 2016

it's has been a dreadful 3 days.. 
i don't know how long will it take..
i don't know how to fix it..

terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak mulut badan binasa..

although i didn't mean it...
i truly am sorry Dear..

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Wordless Wednesday - Us

Just because..

Monday, June 13, 2016

He's a German-crazed soccer fan and pingpong addict..

Euro Season has started. No wonder he gave me this yesterday.. written on my behalf and already utilized last night LoL! tpksalah bersabar for the nxt 1 month huuu

Abang , Piala Euro pada Jun & Julai ini. Berikut  adalah terma dan syarat dari saya :- 

1. Abang nak tengok bola silakan. Tapi tolong jangan nak emosional kalau pasukan abang kalah. Profesional sikit, dorang bukan kenal abang pun so jangan nak ye ye sangat. 

2. Oleh sebab game pada tengah malam, konsep self-service diguna pakai di dapur. Saya nak tido. 

3. Nak tengok bola takde masalah. Tp tolong senyap sikit bila gol ke, tak gol ke. Abang bukan kat stadium. Anak terjaga, abang yang gol nanti. 

4. Nak tengok bola tengok betul-betul. Pastikan bukan TV yang tengok abang. 

5. Tolong sediakan kotak tisu semasa dan selepas perlawanan. Jangan nak pinjam bahu saya bila pasukan abang kalah. 

6. Gunakan ashtray yang betul. Sebarang kesan abu rokok amat mengecewakan. 

7. Jangan asyik nak MC dan EL je. Berani buat, beranilah tanggung jadi zombie kat pejabat. 

8. Akhir sekali dan yang paling penting. Bola bola jugak. Malam jumaat jangan lupa. Sebelum tengok pasukan abang score, why not abang score dulu? Namun, sebarang gol awal amatlah mengecewakan pasukan lawan. 


Ikhlas dari,

Piala dan Syurga Dunia abang.....

Tuesday, June 07, 2016

keep it or leave it?

for something i have longed so long, i am struggling to adapt..

it's a totally new kind of matter, with new insight and new thinking..
it's exciting, especially when present
but i am suffering, when absent

am i the only one thinking like this?
should i keep it or leave it?

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Travelog Australia 2015: Ayer Rocks to Port Augusta.. or not..

Date: July 2nd, 2015

We had a very long journey back, 1200km+ to Port Augusta. But this time, we had 4 drivers. Left the Park at around 11.30am and reached NT-SA border 4hrs later. Nothing much interesting to tell until we pulled over the rest area for iftar at around 5.30pm.

We departed at around 6.45pm for our journey. The moon was so bright yet it was so dark. Not a single soul was around and occasionally, trucks or pick up passed us through.

Few minutes after that, it happened... We had a collision with a herd of cow crossing the road near Marla, SA. my BIL broke his arm and I fractured my left ankle. my friend (the driver) suffered wound and bruises on her hand and leg and another one of my friend had bruises along his torso.

I wont elaborate more. Few minutes after the accident, a truck of prison wardens was on the way back and saw us. We had to wait for more than 2hrs until the ambulance arrive (nearest hospital was 170km away). We're brought to the Marla Outback rest area (a pub actually).and were pretty lucky that Marla does have an airstrip.

Me and my driver friend were accessed there and all of our clothing were cut. The guys were sat down and rested while waiting for us. 3 of us were later brought to a nearby clinic while waiting for flight clearance. I had no idea what time it was but I remembered I saw a clock while being wheeled out. It was around 4am. my BIL was sent to the hospital via the ambulance instead since his injury wasn't serious (we found out later that he broke more bone than me) and will be taking the flight the next day.

I was given morphine and the side effect showed when I threw up right after I boarded the plane. The plan was small, it could only fit 2 patient on stretcher and maybe 3 passenger on chairs. So it's basically me + my doctor; my friend + her doctor and my other friend. I could only remember the panels on my left where all the gadgets were and the doc/nurse seated on my right. I could barely opened my eyes after that and dozed off.

When i woke up, we had reached Adelaide and was heading to the ambulance. I was still drowsy, then next thing I know I was at Royal Adelaide A&E... I was scheduled for surgery the next day but after some discussion with the Orthopedist, I will have the surgery back home (5days after the MV accident).

We had to extend our stay in Adelaide, thanks to the Malaysian students there. I will forever be grateful to them and the world is small, their family resides in Sg. Petani, about an hour from when I'm living now :)

All in all, it was an unforgettable experience. One main lesson to learn is to make sure you have Travel Insurance or to confirm if you Medical does cover overseas hospitalization. Usually I do purchase travel insurance but for this trip, I was too busy to do so. Luckily, my medical insurance from work does cover overseas hospitalization although none of us really use our insurance to pay for this accident.

We pretty much ended our Oz trip here. back in Sydney, my friends went around on their own but just to few places and me? i stayed at home entertained by my 2 adorable nieces :D

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Travelog Australia 2015: Uluru-Kata Tjuta National Park (pt.2), NT

Date: July 2nd, 2015

Woke up very the early and checked out. Head straight to the National Park for sunrise. There were a lot of viewing point - either the sun facing the Rock or raising from behind. We chose the one raising from behind...

After the sunrise, we went to the Mala Walk. There is a guided walk departing from there (need to check the timing) but since we're in a rush we decided to take our own walk around.

I wish I was able to run along the 10km Base Walk but since time was against us, we could only walk around partially up to Mala Puta.

Our final walk was to the Mutitjulu Waterhole.

It was finally the time to bid farewell to Uluru - Kata Tjuta N'tnl Park and off to Adelaide.

Travelog Australia 2015: Uluru-Kata Tjuta National Park, NT (PM visit)

Date: July 1st, 2015

It's relax and easy today. We went to the Ayer Rock Center and saw some local folks sharing on their weaponry, as well as art/painting before picking up my brother-in-law 

(BIL) from the airport. No photos here since all were in my camera.

Anyway, after picking up my BIL, we went straight into the National Park. 3 of us bought the 3-day permit (AUD25) while my BIL got the annual permit (AUD32.50). As suggested, we went to the Cultural Center first to learn of Uluru's history. No photo taking is allowed here though.

After the Center, we went to the Kata Tjuta Dune Viewing Area. Since it was a bit late, we decided the 44km drive to Kata Tjuta itself may not be a good idea since our main purpose was to catch the sunset at Uluru. Apart from that, we would need to spend some time walking around there before driving back to Uluru Sunset point.

From this spot, u can see both Kata Tjuta and Uluru

We spent about half an hour there before heading back. Luckily not many people around yet so we got to choose our spot :)

The sunset was very slow and calming.. there was this sense of peace when everybody just gawped looking at the impressive orange red rock that slowly turned to dark as the sun sets..

While waiting, we had some snack for iftar before finally returning to our lodging to cook.

Some random photos~

Ah for those who doesnt know --->

Travelog Australia 2015: Ayer Rocks and the Outback Pioneer Lodge, NT

Date: June 30th, 2015

We reached Ayer Rock in the broad daylight, the 1st one during this trip so far. We had leisure time checking in and cooking for our iftar in the common kitchen.

The journey took us about 5hrs including a pit stop at a Camel Farm. We didnt really do anything there other then taking photos. We're able to come up close to Road Train here. I've seen a lot of these along Stuart Hway and they mostly carries livestocks, cows to be specific. They're a very long train - make sense that it's a train since it's actually a combination of a 3 contenna size coaches.

Anyway, we checked in to the Outback Pioneer Lodge dorm. If i'm not mistaken, there're 40 of us in a room but it was spacious and segmentized into 4-in a cube. However, there're only ur bed, a place to hang few stuff and a night light. That's it. U have to just put ur bags anywhere conveniently. I've read that this acco is one of the most expensive acco in Australia.

The whole resort at Uluru is huge and quite nice but because you pretty much have to stay there, they charge ridiculously high. I could see Uluru from the viewing point behind the resort. Very close yet far. 

After walking around, we started to prepare for iftar. The kitchen was spacious. There were 4sets of 4-stoves so there're plenty of space for everybody to share. 
We cooked there but end up eating in the van instead hahaha. They're not enough seating area...

We settled down early that day...