i'm starting to think about my decision of working away from home. sometimes i regret it, but sometimes i'm relieved. seems like i am always making a bad choice first, later after the bad consequences i took the right choice. why is bad opt is my 'fav' one? and is this time really a bad one?

seems like being here means being away from everything (well, except for my job). away from most of my frens, away from my family and away from life itself. i'm feeling that i'm walking towards.. cant say depression. a better word would be loneliness.

u see, i cant say for sure that i love my work 100% and i for sure dont hate it. at least i only hate it when i have nothing to do. i think i'm stil searching for a job that i really love. so when i am not occupied, i read blogs and surf the net. anything la. upon reading, i realized. i dont have anything that other people talk about.

i cant hang-out with my crazy frens on last minute call. and whenever i meet them, they talked about stuff that i have no idea about. i'm so out-dated! either my news radar has lo-coverage or their transmission is of limited bandwidth. weddings, engagements, who-with-who, who-going-where, who-doing-what. i have to admit i lost. whenever i go home to putraJ, it's always a rush. somewhere to go, things to be done. i really wish i could just go home and dont step out of the house until it's day to drive back to Kulim. but that also means, no communication with frens, rite?

i cant find a clique. although it's nice working here, there is an invisible boundry among all. they're frens at work. they dont have the effort to ask me to join their xtvt, and i think who am i to bother them. plus, if i join, it'll be like bfast or lunch. language barrier is huge. other frens i have cant hang out during w'ends coz they're studying. w'ends are for their classes, so they normally hang out during w'days which i cant and they could coz they work in shifts. so what's the point? sometime my mind screamed why didnt i just work in all-Malay environment! more frens! BUT then, people will talk more than work. and i cant stand that.

being away doesnt seems to be the reason why people should call u. if u dont believe me, i rarely receive a phone call from someone to say hello. this includes text msg. i'm getting tired of people who expect me to contact them. i dont want to loose any frens. but cant they think of the same thing? i'm tired! tired!

thus, i guess i am alone after all.