nothing seems right....

ure now in...

already in Malaysia. either i'm too excited about everything or too lazy to do anything that no photos were taken at all~


later laa...

lg 2 minggu aku akn ader kt mesia. kalo slame 2 thn ni, aku blik lebih sbg visitor, kali ni aku blik btul2 utk tempoh tetap.


x dinafikn mmg aku nk blik secpt mgkin tpi ble memikirkn byk prkara yg xtentu tika aku mnjejakkn kaki di tanah m'sia, aku bfikir dua kali.. kepulangan aku kali ini berbeza sama skali dgn kepulangan aku 4 thn lepas. masa itu, aku rse seronok, mgkin sbb aku mmg dh tau hala tuju.


kli ni aku balik rse dgn tgn yg xbrape ade isi.. kaki xtau nk melangkah ke mane. kje pn xde lg.. itu yg plg aku takut. mgkin sbb dulu aku dpt kje dgn cara agak mudah, tpi kali ini nmpknya tidak...


dan kali ni tiada lg alasan utk aku bdalih.. mgkin aku mampu utk seketika tpi aku harap aku mampu smpai saat akhir. aku harap aku akan mampu bsabar tnpa perlu mengmbil jln itu....


aku rse kali ni aku pulang sbg org lain.. jgn tkjut jika aku bkn lg org yg dikenali spt 2 thn dulu...


*skema sgt rase mnulis gini...

mm...
nothing-ness....

nk blik... tpi xnk blik...


tonight.. 
the thoughts came again..
the wishes came again..
and i'm feeling dreadful as ever..


if only they came true...

UNSW Sundowner Graduation

Kush, Tripti, Minjal, Yours Truly & Alankrita

tall lanky guy~

ptg td my advisor, Dr Lehmann turun ke lab utk godek2 npe circuit yg di-run ni xdpt output sepatutnyer... dier msuk je, keh keh keh.. sgt comel...


knape?


bayangkn.. dr lehmann ni sgt laa tinggi.. rmbut dirty blond, straight pjg, tpi slalu ikat ponytail.. pstu td dier msuk je, ngan tshirt, suor jeans bermuda (3-suku), kasut boot, sling bag dan topi org g fishing tu hehehe. ble nmpk dier je, tesengih. ngan dier2 sengih skali : )


p/s: prof yg baek ati, nnt bg markah tinggi2 erk utk projek ni..


sorry la, gambo tarak.

worried

mm.. less than a month utk blik.. tpi xdpt kje lg.....

korg pikir...

remark: whatever being said here is my OPINION solely. it's my view, it's my right.

--------------

"Harga petrol RON95, diesel, gas dan gula dijangka mengalami kenaikan lagi mulai tengah malam ini. Ia berikutan keputusan kerajaan menyelaraskan kadar subsidi."


org2 kt mesia mesti ramai yg tgh hot skang ni. dan byk jugak yg nmpk kt fb sibuk perli k'jaan ngan ucapan tahniah, or claim tau nk pangkah sape nxt year. yg drang maybe xtau is, bkn kt mesia je yg bnde2 tu naik. cube kalo mereka2 ini duduk kt negara yg mmg dh lame dduk dlm harga apungan utk minyak. aku yg dduk kt syndey ni pn ari2 tgk harga minyak naik turun. even harga segala sayur-sayan kt market pn bley turun naik, apetah lagi harga minyak. even dgn harga letrik yg xstabil kt sini. uk pn smer bnde tgh naik. jd patut ke korg2 smer buat statement cmtu. yg aku jd rse cm sakit ati, yg buat statement ni smer melayu. bkn nk kate aku kutuk bangsa sdiri tpi korg pk la. next round kalo korg xsokong k'jaan, cmne korg rse bangsa melayu akan jd.


ok fine. of coz la aku sokong equality smer tu. tpi it's a fact yg xsmer org bangsa melayu ni mampu. mmg bangsa lain kt mesia tu terer, drang ader motivation and semangat utk menaik taraf bangsa drang, tpi mmg melayu ni malas kebanyakan nyer. and yg rajin pn xsemua mampu. thus, drang perlu segala bantuan.


bestu, kalo k'jaan diamek alih, korg (melayu2 ni) rse nasib korg akan jd better ke? cube korg pk,korg dan anak2 korg akan dpt ke ape yg korg dpt skang ni?? ape yg korg dpt skang ni is hasil dr ape yg k'jaan dpt dlu. dr zmn duuluuu lg. cube pk same org dulu2 tu???


direct la aku ckp, korg rase nnt ader special ke jd melayu kt mesia ni nnt?? akan ader ke mrsm utk anak2 bumiputra, uitm utk anak2 bumiputra. ngan adernyer kuota smer tu, anak2 melayu yg xbrape mampu dan pandai pn dpt peluang utk carik pendidikan. korg nk segala scholarship utk blajo overseas dpt kt bagnsa lain?? scholarship or loan utk study kt dlm negara sdiri pn dpt kt org len? sdiri pn dh sedia maklum kn, letak anak melayu ngan anak2 bangsa len kt mesia ni, tgk kt mane level (kebanyakan) anak2 melayu ni. mampu ke nk lawan?? aku sdiri ngaku xrmai yg mampu.


ckup la bising kte ptptn tu caj interest/admini byk sgt or name korg msuk black list.. tu smer salah sape, salah korg2 yg amek ptptn dan xbayo jugak kn. yg kne, smer org len yg juga amek ptptn dan xbsalah. ckup la nk pertikai npe mara utk bumiputera je. cube korg g tgk scholar jpa, bpe % bumiputera compare to non-bumi??.. mara pn bkn smer scholar, most of it loan. ptptn mmg smer org tau loan. tpi jpa tu scholar. wlpn jpa kate bonded, so far kwn2 aku jpa xde pn yg terikat keje ngan k'jann. jd sape yg untung??? (ehh cop, aku dh msuk kt bab isu pendidikan plak...)


back to the point, melayu2 skalian.. korg sedar lah sape diri korg tu. sedar la nobody is perfect, no goverment is perfect. jgn expect all changes can be made instantly, everythg needs time. and to govern a country is not easy and u could never satisfied everybody. 4 years is not enough to make all the changes. pihak lawan akan sntiasa mncarik kelemahan dan kritik mgkritik. ble kelemahan drang org len jumpe, drang cover sane cover sini. and dh jd lumrah manusia, suke yg sensasi2 kn?


kesimpulannyer korg xyah la bising2 haraga brg naik, tugas korg is utk cope ngan bnde tu. bjimat. and of coz, suara kn ape2 yg xpuas ati. smer keputusan ader sebab dier. cume ingt slalu, kalo korg xsokong k'jaan, korg rse things will be better ke?? ntah2 korg sdiri xmampu..
cube tgk living cost kt penang skang bpe. tu negeri yg bkn k'jaan control. korg rse korg mampu dduk situ x???


korg pk la...

currently nothing is on my side..
i feel like letting go..
:(

lengkapi jalan cerita hidupku..

hei pujaan hati setiap malam
aku berdoa kepada sang Tuhan
berharap cintaku jadi kenyataan
agar ku tenang meniti kehidupan


lg dkt nk balik, lg parok... :(

tahniah!

after 2 yrs.. i'm finally sick...


smlm: selsema..
today: selsema + demam + sore throat..


and ini ari lalu mkn roti sekeping je dr bgn tdo td...

kau..

Kau yang amat ku sayang

Yang amat ku cinta

Bersemadi di jiwaku

Ku mengharap kasihmu

Bertakhta di hati

Untuk selamanya

Tak mungkin daku lupakan

Kenangan manis kau dan aku

Kau bagaikan permata di hati ini

Bagai irama dan lagu

Melodi yang menyentuh kalbu

Kita bersatu melayari cinta
Abadi..

Hanya untukmu

Laguku ini

Isi hati ku

Dalam melodi nan indah

Lirik nan syahdu

Curahan perasaanku

Bagaikan sesuci embunan pagi

Kau menyinari hidupku

Dengan kasih sayangmu

Untuk selamanya

Kau yang amat ku rindu

Yang amat ku perlu

Tiada lain di hatiku

Ku rindukan belaian mu

Tanpamu di sisi

Ku kan kesepian...

time

Attn:  Liyana.


Starting from this day onwards, your presence is no longer needed. Please note that the world would be  indifferent regardless of your response.


Yours sincerely,
World

lebat yg amat~

tjumpe gmbo ni time housekeeping kt lappy.. 

cant remember where we're but looks like in Seberang Prai (front of Poli SP)??

less talking~

exam's done, 

project not.

pictorial updates...

Eid Adha BBQ at Centennial Park, Nov 20th - me & sis

tonight would be the 2nd night he's not around.. feels like it's been ages.. stil hv 3 nights to go :(

pants?!?!?

i hv a farewell graduation ceremony for international student tomorrow. Dress Code = Smart Casual. i was thinking that i'll wear a shirt with long pant, simply passed as both formal and smart casual.


i was horrified. why? coz i could fit my fist in the waist of my pants, and the pant is way too baggy now. i look weird. i took out another pant, same thing. shoot, i realized I DONT HAVE ANY SUIT PANTS at all!!! the only type of pant i hv are jeans and cargo pants!! nk pkai ape.. nk pkai apeee???? nmpk sgt dh lame xpkai kemeja ngan slack kn?? even these pants have been mine for 6 yrs, and they still look new hehe. dont blame me, i worked 3 yrs in a no-dress-code company. *mental note: hv to go to Carrefour when i get back to get a pant.


breathe liyana, breathe.. there must be smthing u can wear tomorrow...


aha! just wear whatever u wore to the dinner last time. that was in between formal and smart casual. more importantly, u dont hv to spend a dime on it! 


problem solved for now. blasah je la labu...

another 6 nights..

without him...

days & nights are meaningless...

Dreaming of You - Selena [random stuff]

this should be interesting.... (cilok dr Hui)

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. Tag 20 friends. (Random) 

5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.

Here goes:

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?

 Look What You've Done - Jet 

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

 If you're Gone - Matchbox Twenty 

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

Tak Pantas Untukmu - Jikustik - what???

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

 Quit Playing Games With My Heart - BSB

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

 Widuri - Broery Marantika -  xmake sense lgsg

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?

A Little More Personal - Lindsay Lohan 

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

The Long Way Around - Dixie Chicks

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Work of Heaven - Padi :)

 9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

Pineapple Rag - Scott Joplin hahahaha! classical sgguh!

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?

Berhenti Berharap - Sheila On 7 lamer giler xdgr lagu ni..

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

 Dari Sinar Mata - BPR

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Disagree - Crumb this is kinda relevant to me...

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Lost Without you - Delta Goodrem nooo!

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

 ku Percaya Ada Cinta - Siti Nurhaliza yess!

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Ai De Jiu Shi Ni - Wong Lee Hom ("the One I Love is You") hohoo niceee~

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Honey, Honey - ABBA haa?? ceria giler sehh

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Baik-baik Sayang - Wali

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

Pergilah Sayang - Ella & Korie hurrmmmm...

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

Someday - Nickleback

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

Andai - Amy Mastura feat. Anuar Zain

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Demi Waktu - Ungu

22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

Dreaming of You - Selena yezzaa!

most of them actually make sense!

Dear dh kuor! happy~ (tpi stil xpuas tgk and dgr suara dier lg)..
6 mlm tnpa bintang dh ader bintang dh yoshh.

mandi dgn buaya - repost

kehkehkeh mesti korg tekejut bc title tu kn?? ni citer smlm, ingt nk release pas upload gmbo tpi malas..


buaya kt sini aku mksdkn encik Crocs. setelah sekian lame aku tgk my 1st kasut Crocs tsadai kt rak kasut tu, rse why not bsuhkn dier kn. and pastu leh msuk kotak utk shipping trus hehe (skang ni mood ngemas dh ader, tpi ruang nk buh kotak2 tu xde plak. jd slow2 pack).


so time mandi td, bwk la skali encik Crocs tu msuk toilet shower. kt pamplet how to Crocs tu dier ckp 'rinse with cold water and soap'. tpi sbb aku ni xsuke mandi air sejuk (ecece ngade. mentang2 kt sini air panas 24 jam) maka Crocs tu pn mndi air panas skali ngan aku. ngan buih2 sabun tu dlu, aku 'sental' gune berus yg bese org gune utk sental 'adik2' zmn kt sekolah dlu. bkn mesin basuh yek.


jd skang setelah dier berubah wajah dr kelabu-asap ke kelabu-putih, skang tgh sibuk sun-bathing kt balcony wlpn cuaca mendung. blasah la, asal leh kering huhuhu.

skang encik Crocs tu dh pkai blik Jibbitz dier, suci murni kt rak kasut. cm baru mek dr kedai je.


ni ader mmbr terbaru dier. so far bru pkai xsmpai 5 kali. pkai di ari panas jek dan xujan hehe. syg lg lerr...

kasih..

Kasih Kita - Amy Mastura

Kasih.. bila air mata 

Jatuh berderai membasah pipi 

Katakanlah padaku 

Sebelum mengering 

Ku hapus lukamu.. 

Kasih.. janganlah bersedih 

Bila impian tak seindah kenyataan 

Cinta tak kan terwujud, dengan air mata 

Tanpa pengorbanan..

Dan biarlah cinta kasih kita 

Bersemi sepanjang hari 

Secerah matahari yang bersinar 

Hidup pun akan terasa lebih hidup

(kasih semoga kekal cintaku)

Aku & Roh-Roh Jahat- The Novel

aku harap, aku xkn smpai ke tahap:
- sambar 2 tin dr peti sejuk bilik
- pnuhkn air dlm bath tub tu
- gune tuala cmtuh
- buat cmpuran hebat kimia yg aku xpnah tau sblum ni
- bwk msuk seterika dlm toilet


knape?? mcm citer kt bwh ni (wlpn puncanye lain)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  .

credit to lelakisesuxx

Aku & Roh-Roh Jahat- The Novel

"Ok kali ini tidak sama macam yang lepas-lepas, aku akan bangkit" Adriana seakan mahu menjerit. Hatinya yang remuk selepas ditinggalkan seakan cuba di sembunyikan dengan menyanyikan lagu-lagu di dalam handphonenya.

"Em ok, kau mesti boleh. " Eric hanya mampu mengucapkan sepatah dua kata sambil kembali menyedut nikotin.

"One night of love.., To put my head in a mess...."  Bait-bait lagu Young Love dendangan Mystery Jets Ft. Laura Marling, dinyanyikan dengan sedikit mengeletar oleh Adriana. 

"Malam ni aku tak nak balik rumah, aku perlukan ruang untuk sendirian, tenangkan segala gundah yang tersisa.." Lagu di handphone dimatikan.

"Pergghh ayat kau..sasterawan sangat..habis kau nak lepak mana tengah-tengah malam ni?" Eric kerutkan kening sambil buat-buat prihatin.

"Kau boleh book satu bilik kat hotel kau kerja tak?" Andriana.

"Kalau kau nak malam ni memang tak dapatlah, kalau nak aku book kena 2 weeks before lah.." Eric.

Keresahan terpancar jelas di wajah mulus Adriana. Eric akhirnya meninggalkan Adriana keseorangan di hadapan sebuah hotel tempat beliau berkerja.

"Nanti kau cakaplah nama aku, aku nak gerak dulu ni..apa-apahal besok pagi aku jumpa kau k?"  Eric terus memecut laju.

Adriana melangkah longlai. Hatinya yang remuk tidak mampu dipulihkan lagi. Setelah selesai urusan pendaftaran bilik, Andriana menaiki lif hotel menuju ke tingkat 27. Bilik yang diharapkannya mampu memberikannya ketenangan, melarikan diri dari suasana hiruk pikuk rumah keluarganya, mengelakkan bebelan ibunya yang entahlah bila akan berada di episod akhir.

Adriana rebahkan diri di katil, otak ligat berfikir. Matanya memandang syiling tak berkelip. Ketenangan tak akan datang dalam kesunyian sebegini. Adriana pantas membuka mini bar di bawah peti televisyen. Hmmm 2 tin Guinness dan 2 tin Carlsberg mungkin meredakan.

Baru menghabiskan dua tin, muka Adriana semakin kemerahan. Jantan tak guna!!Adriana tiba-tiba menjerit. Meraung. Matanya meliar mencari sesuatu. Adriana ke bilik air sambil menangis teresak-esak. Air dipenuhkan ke dalam bathtub. Adriana mahu lemaskan dirinya. Nekad. Berkali-kali dicuba. Gagal. Perit untuk menahan nafas di dalam air.

Adriana bangun dalam kebasahan, dililitnya tuala di lehernya. Tindakan gilanya kali ini juga tidak membuahkan hasil. Teriakkan Adriana semakin kuat. Adriana kembali ke bilik air, diambilnya bath gel dan syampoo. Adriana membuka setin Carlsberg, campuranbathgel dan syampoo mungkin dapat menamatkan riwayat hidupnya lebih cepat. Di teguknya campuran tadi selaju mungkin. Kepalanya semakin pening. Adriana masih bernafas.

Adriana duduk terpaku. Aku dah tak sanggup nak harungi semua ni!! Teriak Adriana.

Mata Adriana terpandang saterika, dibawanya saterika itu ke bilik air. Adriana masuk ke dalam bathtub yang dipenuhi air dengan pelahan-lahan. Suis saterika dihidupkan. Sepantas kilat renjetan elektrik menyambar ke tubuh Adriana. Mata Adriana tidak berkelip. Semua bagaikan terhenti.

Keesokkan harinya,

Eric berkali cuba menghubungi handphone Adriana, tidak berjawab, sms juga sampai sekarang tiada balasan. Takkan tidur lagi minah ni, Eric bermonolog sendiri.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

aku xtau baper lamer...

Day 3

the nights are lonely as usual.. lg 3 ari bru leh dpt dear : (


mm mood stil xde sgt. so far ari2 bgn kol 9.30 sbb rse malas je nk bgn.. then bukak buku kjap2. dlm whole day 15 jam celik mata, hanya 6 jam kot utk studi. tu pn rse cm msuk tlinge kanan, kuor tlinger kiri.. this subject rse cm plg blur skali sbb xtau cmner nk study dan cm xphm pe2 sgt. tgk sample question pn serious cm blank..


sgt2 lah rse xsabo nk abeskn smer ni. seriously time2 ni rse tertekan sgt. silap aku jgak.. whole sem memain smpai proj tebengkalai. jd after org len smer dh merdeka spnuhnyer, aku stil kne pulun project full swing utk sebulan. mmg muka tebal je jumpe advisor mintk postpone. tpi even now, aku pn xtau procedure grad cmner nnt sbb nk kne setel surat ntah ape2 tpi final grading xsetel lg. pstu xtau ah bley dpt ke x statement dh abes blajo utk carik keje. worst, uni plak tutup utk xmas ngan new yr nnt. so akan jd rushing for everything. shipping pn stil tgantung, xtau date bile. tpi yg tu kire xyah pk sgt, lmbt ke x asal ader je nnt.


aarrgghhh serabut..


wak.. cpt kuor.....

Day 1

mmm rase sgt pelik.. bgn2 trus tringt kt dier.. then tepk arini akan jd kosong sbb xde bunyik sms pepg.. mm.. bru bpe jam...


mm.. seriously arini xde mood nk buat ape2.. bgn pn kol 11, then pegi uni kjap.. pegi supermarket beli some food then patah balik g uni sbb rse kalo dok umah, mesti ag tepk.. study a bit for an hour then jln blik..


and now at home, cube xmo pk sgt smbil layan mkn.. mkn je ape yg ader......

i hope..

i hope i could be strong and pick self up if i fall.. for the next coming week at least.. alone..


what worst is that i'm a wreck now and dear had to go away for work.. it may not be a big deal for u, but it is for me when it's a whole week with no mean of communication at all; and not knowing whether he's ok or not.. and i'm ok or not....


i dont know why at this time my emotions are blurring me and pulling me down..


i hope it's already monday....
i cant stop thinking where is he & what's he doing now...
:(

am i....

definition cilok dr blog zeera:


"Depression is a common mental disorder that presents with depressed mood, loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep or appetite, low energy, and poor concentration. These problems can become chronic or recurrent and lead to substantial impairments in an individual's ability to take care of his or her everyday responsibilities. At its worst, depression can lead to suicide, a tragic fatality associated with the loss of about 850 000 lives every year."


so i hv most of the things in the definition. (low energy tu no comment sbb same je raser, mkn atau tidak and my sleep cycle dh ok dh)..

i.. who no longer makes u smile...

i want..

i want Dear...  and a huge 

him..

today wasn't much of a cheerful day for me.. i was feeling under the weather, thinking of so many things i'm not supposed to think..


worst, i miss dear so badly that everything i did reminds me of him.. waiting til monday really sucks..


then, i saw him online.. maybe that's the reason why i just feel like sitting and staring at the laptop even though i was really sleepy.. 


he changed my world immediately, just by looking at his face...

tanya...

Itulah Sayang

Tanya sama hati
Apa asal sayang
Adakah tandanya nampak dipandang
Kumbang rayu bunga
Bulan dan bintangnya
Punya tanda-tanda hubungan mesra

Tanya sama hati
Pernahkah merindu
Ingat masa lena apa mimpimu
Masa berjauhan
Apa nan dikenang
Bila difahamkan itulah sayang

Jikalau tidak kerana sayang
Kuntuman kasih tak mungkin kembang
Andainya jemu mengganti rindu
Jambangan mesra tentulah layu


it's that time again when i miss u so much...