u asked me to take care...
but whenever i told u i'm sick,
u talk about smthg else....

what i'm up lately..

wlpn stil xpuas ati ngan my buoyancy.. but no chance to do more.. smer kne re do and proceed at Perhentian soon...

selalu..

found this while blog-walking... slalu sgt.. true.. tapi..

-----------------------------------

Selalu aku ingat kau adalah yang terbaik
pernah hadir dalam hidupku

selalu aku ingat begitu

selalu sangat..

Selalu aku fikir kau cinta yang terhebat

pernah ada dalam hidupku

selalu aku fikir begitu

selalu sangat..

Selalu sangat aku menyangka semua itu betul

tanpa mahu meneka hidup ini penuh dusta

selalu aku mengira begitu

selalu sangat..

Selalu sangat yang ku ingat terbaik adalah yang terburuk sebenarnya

selalu sangat yang ku kufikir terhebat adalah kosong semata-mata

selalu sangat yang ku sangka benar adalah dusta belaka

selalu aku menerima semuanya tanpa prasangka

selalu sangat..

selalu sangat.....

credit to Nani Rostam

i try...

i thought i'm fine,
but i lied..


i said to myself, someday..
but it's getting harder each day..


i tried,
but i really can't..


i tried,
but it really hurts..


i tried,
until i really wish i'm no longer me..


i tried,
until everything i see,
made me think,
how can i use it,
to make me disappear,
forever and after...

feels like letting go..
coz no matter what i said, no one really cares..

feels like saying goodbye to everything..
don't know how long can i stand..

why..

why is.. 
everything around is so depressing..
everything reminds me...


i hate the fact that
you still influencing my heartbeat,
getting into my vision
and affecting my thoughts...

tagging

mm.. since these few weeks have been depressing, and stil is.. isi la sket pe2 yg patut.. and hopefully xrelated.

tagged by fifi here

You've been tagged, and you're supposed to write a note with the "ABC's of Me". At the end, choose people to be tagged. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

A - Age ; 28. kire ikut tahun pn mmg dh tua.
B - Bed size ; kt umah = 1/3 dr size toto.
C - Chore you hate ; gosok baju..
D - Dog's name ; no dogs allowed. cats yes.
E - Essential start your day item ; tgk jam dekat hp..
F - Favorite color ; black, purple, blue..
G - Gold or Silver ; silver
H - Height ; 157cm..
I - Instruments you play(ed) ; keyboard, organ, piano. and major drum during school..
J - Job title ; student sket, then tanam anggur. lg a week = Intelliers~
K - Kid(s) ; mm.. as if i found the one..
L - Living arrangements ; no preferences as long as both agreed.
M - Mom and dad live near or far ; skang dpn mata je. soon, jauuhhh..
N - Nicknames ; yana, kelly, kel, nur, li
O - Overnight hospital stay (other than birth) ; once. for my eye injury gara2 nk jd tarzan :)

P - Pet Peeve ; People who left the car signal on even after the task is done (eg. belok, hazard light)
Q - Quote from a movie ; "ce cite.. ce cite.." hahaha..
R - Right or left handed ; right.
S - Siblings ; 3..
T - Time you wake up ; usually around 9 time student.
U- Underwear ; sloggi! :p
V - Vegetable you dislike ; sayurrrr... mmm... petai!
W - Ways you run late ; xphm soklan....
X - X-rays you've had ; last was saturday, for employment
Y - Yummy food you make ; ntah.. jarang msk utk org..
Z - Zoo favorite ; has got to be the Koala & crazy Tasmanian Devil.

nak tag kepada
niha..
cik dya..

"Seorang pelajar Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan (SMK) Seri Kota, Air Leleh, Melaka telah membunuh diri dengan terjun daripada Tingkat 2 bangunan sekolah tersebut. Sally Lee Qian Chun, pelajar Tingkatan 5 sekolah tersebut dkatakan mengalami tekanan perasaan akibat perhubungan cinta yang gagal. Keluarga Sally dikatakan langsung tidak mengesyaki apa-apa kerana semasa menyambut Gong Xi Fa Cai beberapa hari Sally dikatakan berada dalam keadaan ceria. Bagaimanapun apabila dilayari facebook Sally didapati beliau sudah memberi petanda akan membunuh diri dan meninggalkan pesanan kepada kawan-kawannya supaya meletakkan patung teddybear diatas kerandanya. Apa yang menyedihkan, ada kalangan warga facebook yang memberi respon menyuruh Sally meneruskan hasrat untuk membunuh diri itu."

cut..

everybody would be happy and relief when i'm gone..
don't they..


people won't be bothered of me
people won't be stressed bcz of me
people won't feel they're pressured bcz of me
people won't be worried of me (not that they actually do)


no doubt
their life would be at peace
simply when i don't exist..


don't worry
as i am waiting
for the courage to do so
to pick it up and end everything...


so that everybody would be happy..
without me....

7...

losing evrything feels like the sun goes down on me...

4..


kosong...
semuanya kosong....

been caught in a downpour of a rain of stones,

i felt like an exile in the world i had known,

so i sought the shelter of my own soul,

and stayed inside..
-----------------------------
- appetite + fever + food poisoning  = -4kg in a week.. 
just what i need.. 

mi stomach

sakit perut dan diarrhea..


already 2 days..
hungry..but couldnt eat..


bcause my stomach hurts..
i'm afraid eating would make it even worst.


bcause my heart hurts.. 
simply looses my appetite..


mybe this is a good way to 'starve' myself....
slowly.. and less painful.. 
-----------------
lesson of the day: xyah mkn. mnum 100 plus je bebyk..