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i miss dear.. badly.... i don't know why earlier i felt like he's leaving me when he said he gotta hang up to drive for his weekly-w'ends-away routine.. i don't know why my voice just stuck in my throat when he asked whether i'm ok or not.. i want to tell him that i love him and miss him.. yet, the only word that came out was me calling out for him... i'm really glad that he stayed on the line even after he said he has to go, just bcoz i wasn't feeling good...

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i dunno what's wrong with me today.. out of the blue, i felt really down.. suddenly i'm sensitive and been pessimist to almost everythg..

i feel like i'm a burden.

with my unpredictable mood, feels like i've caused a lot of trouble to the one that i love. maybe up to the point that he doesn't know what to do with me any more (?).. i try to think positive and keep rationalizing everything, but sometimes (most of the times) i know i'm not..

i feel like i'm unwanted.

believe me or not, no one seems to take notice of my existence here. feels like people who were once in my life don't talk to me, don't miss me and don't care for me anymore. they just move on.. this maybe partly coz i dont really know what to talk with them.

i feel ashamed.

i got nothing to give to the people who i want to be close with. dear said it's not about the materials, but i think it's all about that; altho not to him. i feel inferior coz i see how their faces lit up or how excited there're when there're gifts or anytime there're open table (belanja). being in my situation, i can't gv all of that. and if i do, it's hardly nothing compared to what others give. bcoz of that, i feel that i'm drifting away from everybody..

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i'm not having my PMS since my period is stil far away, so what's happening?? i guess i'm having this monthly thing today... how i wish ure here right now.. i need ur hug...