today...

this morning, i woke up with a headache. my dimples were throbbing and i wish i could stay longer in the hot shower. logical thinking sais by staying under the hot shower, my veins will expand thus clearing up the path for better blood flow in my body (especially my head). thus reducing the pain. but i couldn't coz i need to get ready for my morning class (sbb last week dh skip kehkehkeh).


the 2 hour lecture felt so long, but for some reason i could understand easily what being thought (alasan sbb last week xde input dr kelas ni kn). then, head to the computer lab. my target was to do my dreadful MEMS assignment and the microwave one as well. definitely no procrastinating coz the microwave is due tomorrow.


anyway, my attempt on MEMS wasn't that fruitful. i finished only 1 out of 3 questions. currently in the mid of preparing the 2nd question; the longest and the one i hate the most. why?? coz it's RESEARCH portion. i hv to write 3 pages each on 3 processes just by reading textbooks and journals. 


and having a headache was definitely not helpful. after 2 hours, all i could see was blur..... felt so tired and hungry. so i switched to microwave when my friend arrived. well, that is stil not yet done. but i stil hv tmrw morning to do. i'm worry though about my MEMS......


after that, went to iftar kt uni center, hoping there'll be food. but there wasn't. only kurma and some biscuits. so went back to shaira's place with her for dinner and 'helping' her last luggage prepping. after 2 instant roti canai and goodbyes, i left her place at 7.40pm.


2 roti canai, still feel a bit hungry but no appetite to eat..

ntah kenapa..

skang aku rse down sgt.. lg teruk sbb aku xtau knape.. dr ptg td, tetbe je ati rse sedih.. sebak dan tepkse menahan air mata jatuh sbb time tu aku dlm kelas.. nasib aku duduk row blkg skali, so xde ah nmpk sgt. wlpn dlm tahan tu, mata aku tembus tgk skrin kt dpn. dan kdg2 selisih pndg jugak dgn lecturer. jd aku buat muke xbsalah je..


ntah la.. aku pn xtau ape sebabnye.. mgkin dh smpai masanya.. mcm dh lamer aku xrse depress cmni. waktu cmni, segala mcm bnde akan keluar.. time ni aku pikir, ape aku ader, ape aku dh capai dan knape aku buat semua yg aku buat.. kesimpulannya slalu sama.. slalunyer aku rase lg sedih dan useless.. 


27 tahun idup.. cm xde ape2 yg aku bley kata milik aku.. hasil tgn aku.. kosong...


secara jujurnya, kdg2 aku pn dh x kenal siapa aku....


walau aku senyum bkn berarti,
aku slalu bahagia dlm hari..


kalaulah dia ada skang... aku xperlukn kata-kata...

“Too many of us stay walled up because we are afraid of being hurt. We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.”

- how true...

ari2 tdo ngn bj busuk...
ble aku nk dpt tuan dier pulak..


iko.. uddani..
melokkak iko..

ada saja cubaan hidup..

seakan aku hina..

death road

in today's news (Utusan), Kedah state police announced the so called "sakratul maut" roads aka jln yg plg accident-prone and high death rate in the state.

out of the list, i could recognize the common road that i always used back while i was working in kulim: Km12 Jln Kulim-Mahang (express bus route to Kulim), Km32 Jln Kulim-Baling and Simpang 3 Landak Jln Kulim - Gerik (route to my cousin's school, to Hot Water Spring); and Km 58-60 PLUS Pendang and Km26 Jln Serdang-Kulim (most common route which i always take when i drive back to KL).


so it's 7 out of 25 roads. more than 25%. but, the accidents i had been involved with were neither on those huhu.


As for express bus, so far the most reliable for me has always been Plusliner. although most of the times it was pretty irritating when all other buses passed us but it's better safe than sorry. the seats i always chose will be behind the driver. and being Kulim is not a such popular destination, i was able to have both seats to myself hehehe.


and of coz, being me. i cant sleep through the journey. so most of the time, what i did was observing the driver and the speedometer :p and believe me, 98% of the Plusliner driver will drive at most 90 km/hr (my journey so far). so kulim - kl (vice-versa) will take 5hrs (compare to me driving for 3.5hrs).

sunny... not! bleerghh

after 3 yrs of staying in a hot and humid place, i thought i was glad to come back to a country which has winter and summer. but now, i'm tired of wearing layer after layers. i guess i love snow so much in US due to the fact that i wont get darker DONT HAVE TO PAY MY OWN BILLS, and the steam heater system in Purdue was really really effective.


but now, i really need the summer. before that, where the heck is spring??? it's been cold for like ages here. i miss not bundling up with clothes wherever i am. i wanna wear slippers!

ol oh ol

xtau la npe.. ble kt umah, byk je bnde nk surf.. blog org la.. usha bj la.. men game la..

tpi ble dh dpn computer kt lab ni, tenet free, screen beso.. jd xtau plak nk wat ape.. fb pn smpai seminit 5 kali refresh, blog pn dh abes bc, game pn dh abes men..

ble kt umah, kunon nk buat lik farmville tu.. bleh dh kt uni, tbantut sbb malas.. same je ngan cafeworld tu..

ptut kt uni ah bley nk tgk or wat bnde2 yg memrlukan high upload speed or bandwidth ni.. len plak jadiknyer..

xtau lah labu~

perihal jeans

duit xde...
tpi dh psg niat nk beli. elok sgt la tu.


alasannyer, psni lik mesia susah ah nk carik jeans yg tahan lasak. mknenyer cap LEVI'S, Lee dan seangkatan dgnnyer. juger mknenyer yg MAHAL huhuhu.


duit stil xde. tpi reasoning diri sdiri kne beli jugak at least selai jeans yg mahal ni. sebabnyer..


tension ngan jeans kt mesia. naper? cuber korg g butik jeans dan kdai spt Jusco, Metrojaya, cube carik jeans size 30/10 dan ke atas utk ppuan. ader x??  everywhere i went, "maaf la dik, xxx paling beso de size 27 (29 at most) je". aku soooo xmsuk typical sizing. cmni bek beli kasut je bebyk muahaha!


tau, msti korg kater, "ala.. nk jeans mahal2. kn ader je cap bese2 tu 50 hinggit pn leh dpt. lagi half price pn leh dpt". aku mmg xnafi statement tu..


honestly 3 thn aku kt mesia, mmg aku xbeli jeans mahal2 ni. sbb MMG XDE SIZE. so, end up aku beli jeans cm ROMP and TOMS. pastu....


after 3 mths, kain jeans kembang. nk pkai, londeh. pkai ngan belt, jd cm lipat2 kt pinggang.
pkai 3 bulan, sangkut sket dh rabak kt tpt yg xsepatutnyer.
pkai 3 bulan, kaki suor dh rabak (tpi yg ni aku suke, nmpk vintage sket hehe).


tenssiioonnnn. mmg la org ckp, padan ngan harga nyer. ok la.. maybe salah aku sbb 3thn aku keje, ari2 aku pkai jeans. mmg tu uniform keje, casual. jd, life aku almost 24/7 ialah berjeans. silap ker??


selama tu gak, aku pkai lg jeans yg aku bwk blik dr US dlu, de 4psg mix LEVI'S, CK ngan GUESS. smer nyer ok selama 3thn aku kt mesia ler. tpi skang jd masalah la plak, xleh nk pkai lgsg sbb i'm now 03 02 size smaller. kt pinggang pn smpai leh msuk penumbuk sekepal. mmg glebeh. lgpn, all those pairs dh slamat kne donate huhuhu.


so. dilemme skang is whether to buy LEVI'S which cost AUD100 each or ader brand kt sini (Jeanswest) yg nmpk cm ok which cost AUD100 for 2 pairs. tpi nk kne g usha dlu kain Jeanswest ni cmner. i've learnt my lesson to NOT BUY SOFT material, lg cpt kembang altho good stretching. but i doubt LEVI'S has that prob. yg Lee skang ni pn a bit soft but i love it. that was the 1st jeans i bought here. i think it's AUD80 kot.


so... LEVI'S or OTHERS?? 1 pair of LEVI'S == 2 pair of OTHERS... but it's LEVI'S...
buy now or tggu xmas?? now or tggu xmas?? (boutique ader xmas sale ker??)


arggghhh!!

alone..

empty...

walking down this rocky road

wondering where my life is leading

rolling on to the bitter end

finding out it's getting harder each day

* * * * *

it's the 10th day of Ramadhan, another 20 days left. i know in M'sia, Raya songs has started being played by some, people already picking up their new clothes and thinking of the food they usually got to eat once a year.


as i think of it, i dont really hv the intention of celebrating anyway. feel that the only reason there is is the food. maybe it's just the fact that this will be my 6th time to be celebrating away (with 3 yrs gap in btwn), so the day itself has pretty much lost the meaning. 


honestly i no longer enjoy what it used to be. even while i was working, given chance i dont mind being at work. but that'd be awkward considering that i was the only Musilm in the team, so there was no "no coverage" issue to be in the office. 


then, there is the fact of being here which just enhances the effect. 


no baju raya, no kuih raya, no raya feeling for me. it is just another day celebrated after a month of fasting. that's all..

feeling like an old lady

due to the occasional pain on my right hip which is now becoming quite frequent, I've decided to switch 180-degree when lying on my bed (head-feet). let see whether that changes anything..


this mattress is freaking expensive (AUD 250) and supposed to be some kind of posture supporting material. so it better be good.


or..... is it just the way i sleep?? :p

enjoy!

haha! byk giler post arini kn?
anyway, hope u guys enjoy this as i did :D

*Note

i just realize that lately, i've posted up so many thing in Malay. pardon me.

it's just that by writing in Malay, i could conceal whom i'm talking about (esp the gender) when i'm rambling on and on..

i'll try to revert back to English as much as i can :D

niat di hati..

niat di hati nk update blog..

     tpi xde citer yg  menarik utk ditulis..

     4 jam panas bontot dduk kt lab ni, dok bace blog org.

     sengih pn sorg2 je.

     sbb peneman tetbe kne msuk meeting utk presentation.

     jd tgglla sorg2 panaskn kusi ni smpai lenguh pinggang mnjd2..

niat di hati nk wat assgnmt MEMS..

     tpi dr td sangkut kt blog yg satu n facebook.

     dh mintk sample dr mmbr past sem

     tpi bukak2 je tgk 17 pg ayat je semata2. trus lemah semangat.

niat di hati nk smbung tgk Hotel Mania kt tv3 online..

     tpi tebantut sbb de org kt pc seblah ni dok wat assgmt dier.

     takut mengaco plak.

     tpi sebenonyer niat yg salah.

     gune bandwidth uni utk streaming, jimat aku pnyer bband.

niat di hati mlm ni nk tgk tv je.

     xnk sentuh buku sbb baru abes exam td.

     tpi arini rabu, tv de citer aper???

niat di hati nk start final project..

     tpi dh 2 bulan, xsentuh2 pn lg.

     sntuh bc blik ape yg dh buat so far tu xkire.

     dh week 5, advisor pn xjumpe lg.

     jd harapnyer, nxt week..

     NIAT NI JD REALITY, bkn SEKADAR NIAT LG.

Love...

Love cannot remain by itself… 

       it has no meaning. 

Love has to be put into action, 

       and that act is service.

Whatever form we are,

able or disabled,

rich or poor,

it is not how much we do,

but how much love we put in the doing,

a lifeling sharing of love with others..

                                 Mother Teresa

things.. i never have..
and never will....


weird enough, when i watch Sisterhood of Travelling Pants, all i could think of is if i could be Bailey... 

you

suddenly i miss him so much...

Tidur malamku tak lena
Asyik teringat padanya
Bilakah mentari memancarkan cahaya
Hanyalah dirinya bermain diingatan
Oh...tuhan ku rindu padanya

missed sahur for 2 day already (means berjaya only on the 1st day). for some reason i slept thru my alarm. a bit weird coz i usually do hear that alarm music. well.... mybe coz i've been sleeping under the blankets (i hv to peek whether it's stil dark or not). not that i eat anything, just some sip of water. but i feel bad sbb Dear pn suro bgn sahur...

1st day bukak pose

5.22pm de kt kelas. minum air 2-3 teguk + mkn kacang almond 3-4 bijik. xde rse lapo nk mkn sgt.. actually xde rse beza sgt ngn ari2 bese.. beza air je xleh mnum bebyk.. schedule mkn stil ok, cume of coz sbb sahur air 2 teguk je, by the time smpai umah kol 7.15 mmg lapo giler.


smtara tggu ns msk, balon biskut 6 keping and susu se-mug. pstu bru mkn ns semgkuk + kari + kicap. senak gak rse perut sbb mkn byk giler.


kalaulah aku di kulim bsama nisa dan ein, xde ah mkn bnde2 ni je kn...


for some reason, dr bebuka td tbyg2 bubur chacha yg warna-warni tu. mm... i wonder dear mkn ape.....

kenangan...

dh msuk bulan pose ni, smer org pn citer psl ape yg drang tringat psl menyambut bulan ni.. tpi aku mcm blur.. sbb cmne pn aku pk, aku hanya ingt bulan pose kt kelantan.. dan tu pn bknnyer slalu. seingt aku, 2 thn je sbb time tu aku dok kt maktab tepeng. tu pn seminggu nk raye baru blik saner sblum blik johor..

ape yg aku ingt, bkn lah psl pose sgt pn tpi psl terawikh tu.. aku rse dlm byk2 tpt, kota bharu je yg aku duduk dlm kg.. kuarters tpi surrounding kg.. blkg umah sawah padi, tpi dpn umah pdg bola.. jd masjid plg dekat is of coz yg dlm kg tu.. and yg pling poyo skali is my parents g masjid nek kete but me + my sis nek basikal. sbb nyer, abes je witir, trus bedesup pusing kg.. time tu la, aku xkenal ko, tpi aku tetap nk ikut.. seriously, aku xpnah nk knal org2 kt kg tu sbb xpnah nk kuor dr compound kuarters tu.. lgpn slalu kalo blik, w'end je jd malas nk kuor umah..

time tu kn, reti plak nk blik umah.. cm auto je tau, kol 11 kne balik. yer.. terawikh abes kol 9, so ader 2 jam nk men. time tu mmg xde pk antu lgsg. tpi aku ni xde ah dajal mane, takat ronda2 kg nek beskal je. samping2 tu g kg seblah nyakat dak2 kt kg tu, pstu bedesup rempit msuk kg sdiri lik. bajet drang xkn dtg ah. our turf kn.

in terms of terawikh itself, masjid tu mmg very lively. susah nk citer cmner, tpi mmg semangat. maybe tok imam tu kot, bacaan dlm solat and zikir2 smer tu mmg best. cume yg slack sket was tpt utk ppuan tu kecik je. jd kalo dtg lmbt, xdpt ler.. 

lg satu, aku xde ah dpt nk lesap awal sbb kne solat ikut mak aku. kalo yg laki, bese dak2 kecik ni leh dok kt saf blkg. bkn blkg saf dewasa, tpi buat saf drang sdiri. slalunyer btul2 kt dpn tirai divider ruang solat ppuan. aiyoo dh la drang tu bising, pastu mcm2 ragam leh nmpk sbb tirai tu xde ah tebal mane.. siap de mak yg tau tu anak drang, angkat tirai ngan kne cubit huhuhu. but then, name pn bdak2 kn.

oh my.. ingt2 smula, time tu aku form 4 form 5. cmne aku leh trikut bdak2 ni???

al-Kareem

to all Muslims celebrating,

may this Ramadhan 
will be a blessed one for u..

ingati aku..

andai aku mati sesudah ini
aku tau aku x mampu mninggalkn apa2
kpd sesiap
utk sesiapa

andai aku sudah tiada
ku harap masih ada
sesuatu yang sempat
aku ajarkn
aku berikn

andai aku pnah terkasar bhasa
aku mohon maaf dri sesiapa jua
yang pnah mengenaliku
secara sedar
atau tidak


andai masa sudah tiada buatku
tolong sematkn memori kewujudanku
di segenap sudut hatimu
aku tetaplah aku..


ingati aku
doakan aku....

stupid fool

i don't know what's wrong with me.. making people around to hate me.. and to hurt..


i can't say anything else, just that
i'm sorry for everything...

iPhone

i just realized, i could say 70% of my friends here uses iPhone. if not, about 75% uses some kind of touch screen phone. i dunno why but my phone has some touch screen features for the camera and it annoys me when i accidentally touched the flash, or the mode.


but then, i guess i dont like touch screen all due to the wrong reasons like:


- hard to text w/o looking like in lectures hahaha!
- hard to text while driving, walking


so no, thank u. i'll just stick to the normal cell phone.


*btw, today i woke up with another bad dream which i cant remember what it was about now...

Nightmare

mm.. for the 3 days, i've been waking up due to nightmares.. well, one of them was really a nightmare but some of them i guess was just a bad dream.


i was lost in Blue Mountain before, then today i saw an accident in front of my eyes in a car i was supposedly in there (but i wasn't, it's an identical car) in KUALA TERENGGANU. how the hell i was back in TRG??? 


anyway, the nightmare really left me wondering even til now. i dont understand how could i smile when it's the worst thing i could do in that situation.....

confused

alamak! confused ngan system nk pinjm buku (online) kt lib.. nmpk sgt, satu sem, skali je pinjam buku. yg drang ni pn awat nyer every sem pn nk upgrade system tuko interface smer tu???

* the reason pinjam buku is sbb malas nk beli textbook.

the reason malas nk beli textbook is sbb course cm xrelated sgt ngan my major.

tpi real reason malas nk beli buku is, sbb xde duit dh...

skang

now everyday i'm sleepy by around midnight to 1am. then i'll wake up strangely at sharp 7.22am (3 days already) altho my alarm is set at 8.30am...

spooky x??

on the bright side, my sleeping time seems to automatically adjust itself.

no magic involved there~

ns tempe

arini ari yg penat.. lab 3-6 kabut.. pstu lecture 6-9.. kuor2 je sejuk giler ngan ujan nyer, ngan angin nyer.. huhuhu.. ni smpai umah baru mkn bukak pose.


sejuk2 dan lapo2 ni, ns putih ngan tempe ngan kicap pon jd sodapp... tpi mmg sedap pn...... ape2 tempe mmg best to me.


arini pengsan awal kot, sok kelas 10 pg...

when i though everythg was going a bit well..

sakit ati. 


satu bnde yg aku mmg xleh nk tahan is bile org pakse2 aku. wlpn slalunyer aku telan smer and simpan dlm ati ape2 org ckp xbest, tpi bab yg ni mmg fail. aku senang snap. itu pn after mau lebey 10 kali kot dok ulang2 bnde yg samer.


org yg memaksa tu xphm ke org yg kne pakse ni tension? pastu bley plak suka ati ckp skang xde pe2 yg nk dirisaukn. pdhl segala bnde yg menyebabkn aku tertekan tu sbb dier. mmg aku hangin.


paling aku xleh blah is bile ckp bnde yg aku dh tau. bknnyer "nk bg pendapat" kalo bnde tu asyik disebut2 smpai panas tlinge. matter of the fact is aku tau org tu mmg suke kalo lg jauh aku pegi. honestly, aku pn xingin dh nk ngadap org tu slalu. dr dlu aku tau mmg dier nk campak aku jejauh and mmg tu mnjdi part of the reason nape aku carik keje jejauh, nape study pn jejauh.


bende yg dlu aku mmg buat ader tujuan dh jd bnde yg aku buat sbb tepakse. nk ckp ikhlas, aku sdiri pn xtau dh..


sooner or later, no doubt aku pnye hypertension akan go deeper and fall into depression due to stress and pressure.. it's no surprise. then u'll be happy..


dan xpayah tnyer sbb aku mmg xkn citer ape2 yg tebuku dlm ati dan kpale aku smpai bebiler kt org ni. slamer ni mmg xpenah pn...

kain dan bj raya

dh dkt2 nk raye ni (wlpn pose xstat lg), dh memcm org jual kain ngan kerongsang. dan ramai jugak la yg stat tnyer "bj raye ko bpe psg?", "eh, korg anto tailor mane erk yg best?". as for me, td tarik beg luggage yg berisi segala-mcm-bende-yg-xmuat-dlm-gobok-yg-kecik-itu. then.....


tgk2 de sepsg bj kurung yg dh pkai raye tahun lepas, dan sepsg kebaya yg xleh nk pkai sbb dh jd beso (alala mkneneyer aku mengecil la tu). kt tpt gantung, ader sepsg kebarung basan (ngan kate len, kebarung yg xglemer lgsg). nmpknyer bj raye thn lepas akan jd bj raye thn ni jugak ah huhuhu. lgpn, ni kes mmg skali setahun je pkai. actually, antara 3 psg bj ni, yg kurung tu je dh pkai skali.


then pk2, kt umah mmg de selonggok kain pasang utk bj kurung, kebaya, kebarung yg xjahit lg. kain2 beli time g Makassar dlu pn sempt buat 1 je (=kebaya yg xleh pkai). ader lg 3 psg. pastu my parents g korea, de 2 psg utk kurung lg. aritu drang g jogja (kot, smwhere in Indon), beli lgik 3 psg utk kebaya. cube kire. 8 PSG. itu yg aku ingt. aku amat yakin mmg kain2 itu is that amount. pasni jimat la, xyah nk beli kain dh utk next 2-3 tahun huhu. kne simpan duit nk anto tailor jek. npe la upah bj ppuan ni mahal bebenor??


nota kaki: balik ni kne hunt for kerongsang kebaya baru ngan tudung la plak.. the only kerongsang kebaya i have tu dh lapok bebenor. ntah zmn bile ntah beli.